Silver Linings Babybook…
🌷As we approach the halfway point of pregnancy, Phil and I have been sharing our news with more people. Colleagues, random strangers, servers, baristas, adorable baby’s parents that we stop on our walks (seriously.) With most of these people, we don’t delve into our history about how hard it was to get to this point. We just state “We’re having a baby!” “We’re pregnant with our first!”
What has been so fascinating about these conversations has been the reaction. For the most part, it starts off very positive: Baby’s are the best! Parenthood is transformative! You’re in for a wild ride!
If we continue to engage in the conversation, it almost always delves into the “not so cute” side of parenthood. “Get ready to lose your independence.” “Forget date nights.” “Enjoy your freedom/coffee/sex/sleep while you can.” “Get ready for the next 25 years of your life…” “Cheers to your world revolving around your child’s pooping schedules.” “Goodbye spontaneity.” Even the baby books touch on how marital satisfaction tends to decline after a couple enters parenthood (especially for women.)
I understand most of these comments are not the foundational feels of parents. Their love of their children and parenthood far outweighs the stressors of a messy house, lack of sex, a hot cup of coffee. (At least, I hope that’s the case!)
Funny enough, Phil and I don’t give two f&*$s about these comments anymore. We hear them, give each other the side eye, and then we have the best conversation (usually with a glass of wine in hand, and Darla by our side), about how we can’t wait for it all! Two years ago, when I would hear these comments, I would think – oh! How do I prevent that?! That sounds stressful! OMG! What if this whole parenthood thing is not all I imagine it to be?! It was intimidating and scary hearing people make these comments.
Today, however, after so much loss, and all the fighting to get to this spot, NOTHING is as scary as the feeling of possibly never getting to experience parenthood.
Let’s be honest, there are not a lot of silver linings with infertility. It is a mental, emotional, and physical nightmare. It steals your hope, sanity, money, relationships, happiness, plans for your future, joy. It makes you question your beliefs and values. It uproots your life. BUT, the silver linings that do exist are of such a magnitude, they make the fight through infertility worth it.
The silver linings are almost impossible to see when you’re struggling, but they exist. Your strongest relationships become stronger. You realize how much you can rely on certain people. Little problems no longer hold the gravity they once did. You realize what you truly want out of (and in) life. You learn your own strength and resilience. You learn vulnerability and venerability.
So now, when we hear the parenting scaries, we feel nothing, but excitement. We can’t wait to be holding our baby girl, sleepless, exhausted, uncaffeinated, and facing a future that revolves around her. Nothing, NOTHING sounds more magical because not too long ago, we weren’t sure if this was an experience we would ever have.🌷
