PODCASTING INTO PARENTHOOD

🌷What a difference a year can make.

I hit rock bottom almost one year ago. I had lost three babies in a year and a half, had just been laid off, fractured my femur and couldn’t walk (much less, run), Darla was still recovering from spine surgery, I was facing another round of IVF, and most importantly, I had no idea if I Phil and I would ever be able to grow our family. I was heartbroken, hopeless, lonely, devastated, and unable to function.

Around this time, I discovered a podcast called “InfertileAF” on Spotify. I was desperately looking for stories of people that would help me feel less alone. Finding Ali Prato’s podcast was a turning point for me. She interviewed women (and men) with all kinds of fertility journeys. Some ending in babies. Some not. Some encouraging. All enlightening.

Not only did I feel less alone, I felt inspired to start writing about what the hell of infertility feels like and what I have learned through the countless days I have spent in the “care” of reproductive specialists and doctors.

This past week, Ali interviewed me for InfertileAF. She may never know the profound impact she has had on my life. The comfort and hope her podcast provided me during the darkest days of my life. The times that her episodes were the only thing in my life that made me feel like there were other people out there that truly “got it.”

Sometimes I wonder if anyone reads this, but I remind myself of the podcast. Ali likely has no idea about all the people she is impacting, yet she continues to record her episodes. Her podcast helped me, and I’m certain it has helped so many other. If any one person finds a bit of solace (or enlightenment) in this writing, it is all worth it. And if no one does, our daughter will always know her entire story and the perseverance it took to get her here.

At the end of the interview, Ali asked me what I want people to know, and the answer is simple. We, as women, need to talk about our infertility (fertility) journeys. The best thing we can do to protect our reproductive health is to advocate for it. Unfortunately, because there is this underlying silencing when it comes to talking about reproduction, fertility, and sex, we often don’t know what to ask, say, or do. It becomes almost impossible to advocate for ourselves.

I have come to peace with not being able to carry my own children. What I will never come to peace with is knowing that, had I known what I know now, and had I asked the questions I should have known to ask, I would be able to carry my own children. My story does not need to be others, nor should it be.

The more we talk about our fertility, the more we can advocate for the future we want, and hopefully, we can start to lessen so much of the trauma that (in)fertility causes. 

This is a plug for Ali, or her podcast, or her book (Work of Art), but rather, a public service announcement. If you have been touched by infertility, (I guarantee if you have not personally, someone you love has,) listen to her podcast, read her book. It could change your, (or someone you love), life. The best thing we can do as women, is to learn from each other and our stories. The information and experience we have is priceless and profound, and nothing to be silenced.🌷