LEAVING MY LITTLE ONE

🌷This week was spent preparing myself - both logistically and emotionally - for leaving little Evie for the first time overnight. Correction, three overnights.

Every time I thought about what it would feel like leaving her in Minnesota, while I went to Austin, Texas to spend a couple days with Phil on his work trip, I would have a miny meltdown. The thought of leaving her, even in the care of the people that love her * almost * as much as Phil and I do, (my parents,) made my heart race. No one knows my baby like I do. No one knows how to read her cues and tend to her baby needs and use the correct character voices when reading to her and hold the bottle just right and tickle her toes and hold her hand and talk to her like she likes, as well as I do……my head could not stop spinning.

The only thing I could do was write massive lists, explaining how the various baby things worked in our house; what temperature bottle Evie preferred; how to run a load of gentle, free & clear laundry for her sensitive skin. Pages and pages of notes. My parents will probably laugh their asses off. After all, they did raise two children without notes. But this is MY baby.

Are you feeling my angst? I am, even as I write this.

While 95% of me is NOT looking forward to leaving my little bean, there is this entire other side of me that is SO.FREAKING.EXCITED. I’m not excited to leave Evie, but I am looking forward to some good old fashioned adult time. And sleep. I am mostly looking forward to sleep. Lots and lots and lots (well, really just three nights,) of full rest.

Phil and I are so fortunate to have the help we do. We know that our precious peach puff is in good care, which in turn, gives us peace of mind so we can take these few days to recharge. Evie is 105 days old. As terrible as this may sound, after 105 days, I could use a day to myself. Yes, I have had momentary breaks occassionally, but any proximity to my baby means that I am 100% all about her. I hear and see everything. My mind is completely on at all times, and frankly, it is a little burned out. 

I will leave all my notes behind, cautiously hand my child over to two people I trust implicitly, and take these 3 days of rest to recharge so when I return to my daughter, I can go back to being on 100%, embrace the sub-par sleep, and enjoy all the momentous days of having an infant.🌷